When it comes to sleep in the toddler, preschooler, and gradeschooler years and beyond, one of the most common questions I receive is “how do I get my child to stop delaying and protesting bedtime?” In almost every single case, we start with a printed bedtime visual guide. The one I’ve designed will set your child up for success. It incorporates stages of bedtime preparation, connection, sleep AND wake up! If you want to learn more about the psychology behind healthy behavioural training, click here to read the blog post called, “How to Get Your Child to Stay in Bed Longer!”

What’s included?

Send me an email if you would like to order a personalized guide with your child’s name for $20 CAD. I’ll print it, cut out and laminate all the activities, then stick velcro dots on so it’s ready to use. You can even ask me to design specific steps if I’ve missed any of yours. I’ll deliver it myself if you live in Calgary or I will send it to you anywhere in the world!

**Click the image to download a free printable:**
**Bedtime Tickets!**

Does your toddler or preschooler keep coming out of their room at night? Or over and over in the morning before it’s time to start the day? Print out these tickets and start by giving them three for the first night. They can come out if they have a ticket and do one thing. Hug, snack, water, potty, etc. Then, walk them back to bed. Praise them for following the system. Help them feel really proud. Go pop in and say “good job using your ticket and now staying in bed!”

If they have a clear expectation and there’s still a chance that they can get the reassurance that they need, they are likely to cooperate. After one week, give them two tickets, then after another week, only one ticket. Always go in for that final reassurance. Eventually, you won’t need to give any tickets at bedtime. That extra, consistent pop in for reassurance is really helpful for them.
Try it out and see how it works for your family!

The tickets above are an extra bonus, which can be added into your routine. Now back to the guide! First thing’s first… you need to understand that If you use this tool correctly, I GUARANTEE you'll see a dramatic improvement with the following troubles:

Delaying, whining, and protesting bedtime
Coming out of their room (even multiple times) after you've said goodnight
Staying quiet in the morning before wake-up time
Reducing bedtime frustrations and anxiety for your child and for you

Feeling skeptical? Here's WHY it works:

You might say "Keara, we already have a bedtime routine and she knows what to do. She just fights us on it/needs extra love/dawdles/wants something different/[insert your challenge here]. I don't see how just putting a picture up on her wall is going to help."

I promise you, it will! Even if she KNOWS and can recite the plan... she's obviously having trouble with the execution. This is a skill just like potty-training that your child needs help with. Additionally, I'm going to venture to say that you as her parent might need a little help with staying consistent in your responses too - frustrations can get the best of us!

Another way to look at it is it's a behaviour that is causing dysfunction and you need to implement some changes to help her learn so she acts in an appropriate way that works for everyone. Ultimately, I’m not asking you to create a new routine - you may be able to use the exact one you already have in mind or you’re already using. It’s about communicating the expectation to your child properly and following through consistently so they stay motivated.

Whether it's a matter of teaching the basics of a completely foreign world, or motivating your child to simply cooperate for everyone's best interests, it's important to start with a visual guide to lay out a crystal clear expectation designed for your child's brain and provide a way to stay on track with that expectation.

How do we stay on track?

I'm guessing you (the responsible adult) use some sort of scheduling tool to stay on top of things and organized in your life - like an app on your phone or a day planner or an organized partner... or even just a clock on the wall! Whatever your method may be, a way to conceptualize time and responsibilities within our day is vital for our sanity! When we don't know what's coming, we experience anxiety. Kids are the same! It just might look different from what we feel in our own adult heads. The point is, they need something to help them know and remember what's coming.

Think of it this way: you've had many years of practice and your child hasn't. Change is necessary especially if you've developed some habits that aren't sustainable - for example letting them get into bed with you when you really don't want it, or spending 2 hours in their room reading, singing, or falling asleep next to them each night, or keeping them up till you go to bed at 10 pm because the fight isn't worth it. We need to back up and get down to their level. Since preschoolers cannot read and cannot tell time, they need something that will work for them and as long as you can support them in their mission to learn, THIS will help!

What do we do?

This visual is to be used in combination with a child’s wake up alarm of some sort. I recommend the Gro Clock or the Mella Clock. Some parents even colour the face of a good o’ analog wall clock. Whatever you choose, your child needs to have something to tell them what time it is and they should be doing right now.

Step 1: Print out the Nighttime Visual in the Colour Palette of Your Choice

The complete document has 5 pages. For 3 years old up to age 7 (and beyond!), use option 1 with the additional optional “all done” box page. For 18 months up to approximately 3 years old, use option 2. This works well if you put it in an 8X10” frame, or at least put it in a sheet protector and hang it up on the wall.

Step 2. Choose the Steps in Your Desired Routine

Cut out the activities and lay them all out. Choose the ones you would like to incorporate in your routine. It’s positive if you narrow it down but then include your child in this decisions if possible. Less is more here. The visual suggests 4 pre-sleep activities for little ones, and for older ones you can stack 2-3 activities in each phase. Once the activities are selected, add velcro dots or sticky tack to the back of the activities.

Step 3. Bring your Child into the Picture

Allow them to decide the order of all the steps and recite the whole thing forwards and then backwards. Then practice acting it out. Make it fun! Your positive attitude and enthusiasm will REALLY make all the difference here. If your child is 7 years old, they should have no problem deciphering what the images in their nighttime routine mean. Let them take the reigns and tell you the plan for an organized and streamlined bedtime. Or conversely, if you have a tiny 18 month old, you’ll notice them get excited when they see the images that they know. Talking about what they’re seeing even before they have words helps too.

Let your child choose the place on the wall in their sleep space to hang it. Then look at it, talk about it and recite the steps every single day. Let them be proud of their routine. *Note: please consider a space outside the bedroom for children who might potentially swallow any of the step squares.

Step 4. Communicate the Expectations and Follow Through

Explain that their job is clearly laid out in this guide. This is their expectation. Next, tell them what they can expect from YOU. How you handle this is what’s really going to seal the deal and will make or break your bedtime success. The expectation is not “mom is going to get very frustrated and angry if you keep coming out.” The expectation is that you will always love them no matter what. It is time for them to sleep and you’re there to remind them. So you take their hand, walk them back to their room, point at their clock to see what time it is, and then point at the guide on the wall to see what they should be doing right now, then, tuck them in quickly and say “goodnight, I love you. See you in the morning.” Then you leave the room.

You might have to do this 15 times on night one. You might have to repeat this every night for three weeks. BUT it will change things. If you can keep a positive attitude and in charge of your emotions, your child will trust that you are following through on your expectation - you love them no matter what. It’s time for them to sleep and you’re there to remind them.

If they d0 not follow all the steps of the routine EXACTLY, then you will respond in a loving way but with firmness as described above. The critical element is that it needs to be EVERY SINGLE TIME. It will take time to practice and get into their new habit before they can just sail through their bedtime routine, so your child will need your consistency, patience and grace. It’s just like potty training. You need to stay 100% committed. That means use a positive attitude, supportive and steady tone of voice. Finally, be firm in your decisions to follow through with your expectations. If you stray from one of the steps even for one night, it could derail their success. The way a child’s brain thinks is that if there’s any possible chance that this behaviour is accepted even once, I’m going to try it. And I’ll push and keep trying until I get the response from Mom or Dad that I’m looking for. So if Dad has come and slept in their bed with them every night for the last year, it’s going to take a while to undo the expectation that Dad has already communicated. The adjustment period is hard for a child - so give them that grace. Try to understand what it’s like for them. They may just be looking for a connection and to know that even though things are changing, it’s okay and Mom and Dad still love them.

Extra Note: the Wake Up Sun!

In your new nighttime visual, the instructions explain that once sleep time is all done, their clock will show them that it’s the right time to wake up and start the day. This is a very exciting moment, and especially if your kid makes it to that time, it needs to be acknowledged. They need to have a promise for something important in the morning after they wake up and stay in bed until the right time. Just like rewarding your child for pooping on the potty, this reward could be a jellybean, or a 5 minute snuggle in Mom and Dad’s bed, or you could even try a morning dance party! Whatever it is, remember to keep it consistent so they know what to expect. They should be rewarded for learning this skill and following through, and it will feel good for you too!

Morning Tip: Set their clock for early early to start so they have more of a chance at feeling successful. Then, move it 5 minutes later each morning to stretch their sleep time and stay quiet longer. Eventually you’ll get to the desired time and your child will wake up with a win every day.

In Conclusion

When it comes to bedtime challenges, it’s incredibly important to understand where your child’s mind and emotions are at. Are they afraid of anything? Are they feeling heard? Do they feel loved? Are they allowed to mess up while they’re learning? They likely won’t spell it out for you, so try your best to empathize with them and think about what they truly need from you. Change can be hard. Go easy on them. And go easy on yourself too.